Messenger Mailbag - Make Your Resolutions Fun, Not Futile
An anonymous reader says, “Hi, Mr. Mailbag. Well, it’s January 10th, and for the 47th year in a row, I’ve already blown my New Year’s resolutions. My plan to eat better, to strengthen my thumbs, to stop with the gratuitous speaking of French – it’s all over; c’est fini. Is this pattern of futility all my fault?”
No, dear reader, it’s not you. It’s normal to feel like you’ve fallen down more times than a ping-pong ball on Captain Kangaroo. Futility is the very nature of traditional New Year’s resolutions. People aspire to fix their every flaw, large or small, starting January first. But we all flop. We all fail. We all feel like a badly burnt everything bagel by January 10th.
But who says you have to make hopeless, traditional resolutions? Why not enjoy yourself this year – make resolutions that replace inevitable doom with fanciful fun! Here are some suggestions to get you started. It’s not too late.
Suggestion #1: Change “resolution” to “re-solution”
Once you escape the tyranny of “how it’s always done,” you’re free to merrily do just as you please. Get cheeky and make some New Year’s “re-solutions.” Print out 52 copies of the first Monday crossword puzzle of the year. Fill it in over and over again throughout the year, posting a fresh picture of your joyous face beside two thumbs up every Monday afternoon. The fun will crescendo as the months go by, while your old-fashioned viewers slowly lose their cool. Don’t worry. They’re just envious and will likely copy your approach next year.
Suggestion #2: Fix your 2025 resolutions
Once again, you failed on your resolutions for last year. Your daily success streak may have been shorter than a Merritt Parkway on-ramp. Don’t despair. Every member of your inner circle also failed, except pet dogs (who resolved to shed every day) and pet cats (who refused to participate). But since you are no longer shackled by convention, you can go back and change those 2025 resolutions. What could be more fun than to declare the original commitments nothing more than hasty rough drafts? Adjust their wording now to make you a winner back then.
For example, say you originally promised to eat zero ice cream during the whole of 2025. You can now accurately fine-tune that to “I will not eat ice cream on January 1st and 2nd, and August 14th (when I’ll have to fast for a certain unpleasant procedure).” Doesn’t that put a grin on your face? Now post a video of your happy self, holding an empty bowl and a clean spoon, amidst animated confetti. Okay, okay, some trapped-in-the-old-ways viewers might comment that retroactive changes are tantamount to cheating. Cynics will always be cynical, plus they’ll always use pretentious words like “tantamount.” Ignore them; your updated resolutions are super fun!
Suggestion #3: Make resolutions for other people
What authority mandates that resolutions have to target yourself? It is a blast to make resolutions for other people, instead. For example, take a Sharpie and some Post-it Notes into the produce section at Big Y. You’ll soon be handing out high-impact resolutions to complete strangers. “I will stop sampling prodigious amounts of blueberries.” “I will learn to open these long plastic bags without cursing.” “I will stop replacing 94011 stickers with 4011 stickers to save 20 cents on bananas.” Then, mosey on over to the deli counter. “I will stop ordering a quarter pound of obscure pickle pimento loaf kept outside in a locked truck near the loading dock, while a dozen customers wait behind me.”
If it is fun to hand out resolutions to Big Y strangers, just imagine the hilarity when you pass them out to close friends and family.
Suggestion #4: Lastly, replace the word “year”
Who in their right mind would promise to do anything for a year or more? [Note to Mrs. Mailbag: No, this does not apply to my wedding vows. Yes, I should have made that clear before you asked.] Focus on a time period for which you can stay on task and make a difference. Like fifteen minutes. Short-term success breeds short-term success, and success is definitely a lot of fun.
What can you set out to do in 15 minutes and then actually do? How about:
· Reach out to a friend in need
· Do a favor for a neighbor
· Make life a little easier for a member of your household
· Help set up or clean up for an event at church
· Post an uplifting message
· Buy or order a gift for someone who could really use a smile
· Teach something to a child
· Practice something where you could do much better
In other words, in fifteen minutes, you can become a little bit more aligned with God. Which could just be the most fun of all, again and again and again.
Happy New Year!
Bruce Hale