Oh, Poor Me
I will soon be having my right shoulder replacement replaced (thanks for nothing Dr xxxx). Yes, it was just replaced in March 2024, but the wrong way. No, my arm is not on backward, but the actual joint should have been done as a ‘reverse shoulder replacement’ due to my torn rotator cuff. Oops… well, that is another story. New day, new surgeon!
This is not my first rodeo. I have two knee replacements and a right hip. None are easy, but losing my right arm for six weeks is more than just inconvenient. It means no driving, no pullover sweaters, no opening cans or jars, no grinding pepper, no walking the dog, and then picking up his poop. Okay, that is a bit too much information. But you get my drift, it is much more than inconvenient, and having to go through this again due to a doctor’s incompetence makes it even more offensive.
I make it a habit to try to look at the bright side of life, so I sat and wrote down, while I still have my right arm, some positive things:
I still have the salt and pepper shakers I bought before my last surgery.
I still have the zip-up sweatshirts I bought before my last surgery.
I kept the list of recipes I made and froze before my last surgery.
I kept the list of complaints from my last surgery – like do not give me a cooling machine for my shoulder that cannot be used by one person with one arm (the video provided shows two people with a total of four arms setting it up and using it).
Okay, so I have carried over a bit of frustration from the first surgery. But I am still in search of positive factors to latch onto, so I looked up characters with only one arm for inspiration. Who knew there were so many? I am not sure how inspirational they will be after my surgery, but I am hanging onto these for motivation.
Some of you may recall the TV show and movie The Fugitive, in which Dr. Richard Kimble, unjustly accused of murdering his wife, searches for the real killer with one arm while being the target of a nationwide manhunt led by a seasoned U.S. Marshal. I know, a one-armed killer is not the best source of inspiration, but boy could he run.
A bit more recent is Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones where his right arm was severed by Count Dooku. Following this, he was fitted with a customized, highly advanced mechno-arm. Of course, Anakin’s mechno-arm was stronger than his original organic arm, and over the course of the Clone Wars, Anakin modified the arm to improve its functionality, enhancing its grip strength and durability. I do not think any amount of post-surgical physical therapy can compete with this.
How about the film Virtuosity, in which Denzel Washington plays an ex-cop convict whose left arm was blown off in the explosion of the bomb that killed his wife and daughter? It was replaced with a metal arm that is useful when he needs to stop a huge building ventilation fan - he just shoves the metal arm right into it. No, I do not think I will need to stop any huge ventilation fans after my surgery.
Since I am traveling back to Ireland in September, this film spoke to me – In Airplane, a man sets off the alarm while walking through the metal detector at an airport. He is asked to remove all metal from his person and put it on a table. So, he removes his artificial metal arm and foot. Good thing he did not also have a plate in his head. Again, my knees, hip and shoulder are all inside, so the best I can do is let them wand me.
It was not easy to find a female heroine in my search, but I did find this one: the film True Grit –14-year-old Mattie Ross falls into a pit and is bitten on the arm by a rattlesnake. She is rescued, taken to a doctor who cuts off her arm, and we see her years later as a grown woman with one arm. In the old West, the snakebite cure was a shot of whisky and a sawed-off arm. A bit of surgery does not sound so bad now, does it?
And my last consideration is where I really came to terms with my situation and realized just how lucky I am. There is a wonderful film, Johnny Got His Gun, written and directed by Dalton Trumbo, based on his book of the same name, in which a soldier wakes up in an Army hospital bed, a prisoner in his own body with no legs, arms, face, or sensory organs. Okay, a bit bleak, but you must admit it certainly puts my whiny, poor me attitude about my repeat surgery in check.
Eileen Brogan