Messenger Mailbag: What Other Movies Were Considered?

An anonymous reader writes us, “Hi. I really like the new Mission Possible theme this year! Just curious - were any other movies considered behind closed doors?"

Well, dear reader, I too was wondering about what actors call “behind the scenes,” what pitchers and catchers call “inside baseball,” and what accountants call “grinding out the income tax minimization sausage.” I learned that church leaders wanted a playful take-off on a well-known film, that would spiritually inspire the congregation. Here are a few of the brainstormed movie concepts, all from Best Picture Oscar winners, that didn’t quite make the cut:

Dances with Squirrels (1990)
Every Sunday, two wild squirrels would be released in the sanctuary at a random point in each service. The goal? To inspire enthusiastic jumping, shouting, and arm waving among those in the pews. However, focus group research indicated that enthusiastic “speaking in curses” would also occur, so the proposal was shelved.

Gong With the Wind (1939)
A six-foot diameter gong would be placed in the front yard of the Annex. A special sensor would detect the gentle breeze from vehicles entering our driveway. Then, each and every entering car would automatically trigger a giant hammer to strike the gong, reflecting the robust vitality of our congregation. The idea was dropped after the ABC House threatened to sue for punitive damages.

The Methodist Connection (1971)
Church members would be encouraged to smuggle love everywhere. Men with power tools would assist interested parishioners in hiding valentines in the rocker panels of their vehicles. Each month, two appropriately decorated cars would chase each other at high speed through a different Farmington Valley neighborhood. (The degree of difficulty would increase each month, culminating with East Granby’s Hatchet Hill Road.) Upon further discussion, the group decided this proposal “needed more work.”

Lawrence of Simsbury (1962)
The plan would have SUM members stand in a playground sandbox, wearing no sunscreen. The group moved on when the proposer could not answer the question, “Why?”

Jen-Hur (1959)
This would be a social media campaign. All the women in the church named Jen, Jenn, Jenny, or Jennifer would form a troupe to act out epic scenes from the movie spectacular, Ben-Hur. The videos would be posted everywhere online to generate viral publicity for SUM. The idea was nixed when the word leaked out, and all of SUM’s Bens, Kens, and Lens (and some guy on the sidewalk named Sven) threw a fit of envy.

From Hair to Eternity (1953)
The thought was to merge the controversial Broadway musical celebrating the hippie counterculture of the 1960s with a gut-wrenching military drama culminating in the attack on Pearl Harbor. This suggestion was deemed to be so bad that the person who made it was asked to leave the room.

Casablanca Slate (1942)
This concept drew considerable interest. Casablanca is a story of a man overcoming his cynicism to do the right thing. Might we all become blank slates and start anew? Unfortunately, the proposal was plagued by horrific puns on the movie’s famous dialogue:

“We’ll always have parish.”  

“Pray it, Sam. Pray as time goes by.”  

“I think this is the beginning of a dutiful friendship.”  

“Of all the hymn joints in all the towns in all the world, you walk into SUM.”

The SUM Safety Committee determined that the loud, lingering groans of the congregation might shatter our oldest stained glass window. And that was that.

Martini on the Bounty (1935)
A vague proposal involved mocktails and paper towels. At this point, church leaders decided they were exhausted and quickly coalesced around Mission Possible as the best option.

So, dear reader, I hope that answers your question. I think we can agree that the group ultimately made a wise choice. The wonderful energy in the building for Mission Possible on Rally Day was a great sign for growth in Christ in the coming year.

Bruce Hale